Relationships Thrive on Authenticity: Another Great Insight to Falling in Love and Staying There

Sometimes when we say, "I'm feeling..." the other person takes it as a sign that they are being criticised or shamed. So, it's important to label what's in your heart, but equally important not to verbalise it. So, instead of blurting it out, making your personal inner workings public, you can simply label where you are at.

When I sit down face to face with you, I can tell what is in your heart. That is my job. It is the work I do. It's my gift. But I only offer that so that you can feel authenticity in your coaching and here's why...

Sometimes we MINK LASHES become separated from reality and we start to guess or even project what's in our heart onto ourselves. Then, non authenticity becomes the norm. And that's exhausting.

Take Jane for example: She came to me for some help with a failed relationship and frustration around her personal circumstances at work. But when I met Jane, she was vivacious, charming, bright and illuminated. She cried a few times in conversation, but really, they were crocodile tears. Jane was a corporate leader, but really, underneath she was an exhausted actor. Always faking her personality to achieve the impression she wanted. In some ways, you can call Jane a seductress, and her corporate life benefited, her relationships failed and her friendships suffered...there's two sides to everything but overall, Jane was exhausted.

The most important gift I gave Jane was authenticity. She did a thirty day challenge which really didn't achieve much, she bluffed her way through the homework, and kept faking it all the way through the consults in spite of my invitation to do otherwise. Simply, for me it was a case of staying still, not judging her, staying centred, balanced, calm...which she tried to dance and seduce me into believing it was all real.

After her thirty day challenge was over and I said the process was finished, she became really angry, nasty and vindictive. "You promised change" and "where is your integrity?" she really lashed out at me...at the conclusion of which I simply said to her, "welcome."

In this anger, the real Jane had stepped forward. Now, with nothing to gain from tricks and faking it, she turned up, and the real, deep, inner fire she hid from everyone including boyfriends for the first months of her relationships, burst out.

I'd felt this Anger from the start. I knew it was there. But Jane believed her games were how she was being authentic. She'd read books on who she "should" be and was living those characters, projecting what seduced people, rather than being inner authentic with herself. And because of this mix up, Jane had delayed what she could have sorted out (the cause of that anger and fire) within her, by 10 years...

Jane had gone from 30 to 40 years of age, with little result except a few bucks, some experimental jobs, a failed business and three medium term relationships that had all ended really painfully.

We all have an inner self. A real authentic inner self. And we all have an ego that "Protects" that inner self. While the ego is a protector it serves but after a few short years, the EGO and the Inner Self become complicatedly merged. We can't tell who we are, we can't separate what we feel from who we are. And then, authenticity is gone and the masks of money, appearance, performance and results become our only identity.

I want to help you get to know the real you. What must be avoided is the projection of a stereotype onto the authentic self. There are those who say, "you've GOT to get rid of shame" but they are projecting a stereotype authentic self onto you that is shameless. Or there are those who say "save the whales" and argue that this is compassion and authentic. But this is all ego and ego has a function, and that is to guard the authentic self.

You can see how easy it could be to pull down one Ego self and erect another in its place and call this the Authentic me - but it would be just another Ego filled with Got to, Should and Want and Needs.

Authenticity comes from separating the Ego and it's gifts, from our inner self. For this to happen we need to understand the construction of the EGO. Ego is constructed from Half Truths.

Half truth is imbalanced data. All the lower levels of the mind and brain function with imbalanced information. The senses and the intellect. This is the Ego.

So, for example if I say, "This cake is good," then my Ego has communicated what I feel. The cake is better than average or better than bad. There is lopsided information based on sensory signals of taste, sight, feel, smell, maybe even sound (chewing).

But beyond that identification of the cake, there is an experience of eating that can be called ecstasy. A state where you just can't communicate. There might be a moment of inspiration where you lose your mind and just enjoy the cake... and then someone says, or you feel the need to communicate and share the experience, and now your Ego says, "that cake is great"... it's trying to intellectualise, or sensitise what really can't be spoken, but it does its best. This is EGo.

When you fall in love you lose your mind. You forget to think. You feel that ecstasy. Then you try to tell your new friend that you've fallen in love, so your Ego kicks in, and there's confusion. What was a detached, unemotional, pure moment of authenticity, now becomes a past moment of reflection, and your Ego does it's best to explain it.

Ego might even start to analyse why you fell in love. It might say, "because of your beauty, I fell in love" or "because of your personality I fell in love" but these are explanations - attempts to make the falling.. rational, repeatable, understandable. But it's impossible because the act of Falling in Love is an act without imbalance. The mind went on holiday - you forgot to think - you fell in love.

Now, there is a dilemma. So you fall in love authentically, but there is no automatic way of falling back in love again so all you have is an unexplained moment in time, the present and the future.

Ego kicks in. It invents a why... but it's never ever good enough. What you want are infinite moments of falling in love with your partner, and the ego tries to emulate it with flowers and words and marriage papers. But this is hopeless, it's not authentic, it's fake. And that for most is the highlight of their life, fake love.

Memory of falling in love and the desire to recreate that moment leads to sex. At the moment of orgasm Ecstasy is experienced. However, when people start to realise that this moment is transportable across relationships, even in self-gratification, then the sexual access to a consistent partner becomes mundane and interrupted.

It all pickles down to this. If we do not know what is in our own heart we do not know what separates our own Ego from our Inner Self. If we cannot separate these two, then moments of inspiration, or ecstasy, are accidental at best, infrequent and circumstantial. We live in hope of falling in love, have the occasional hit, but on the whole, spend most of our lives hoping for it, desperate not to lose the memory of it, groping for it and hoping that years of mediocrity in relationships or jobs will earn us the right to feel that memory reoccur in the present moment.

To fall in love, with infinite frequency, one must learn the art of getting past the Ego at will, not by accident.

It's the adventure of meditation, hoping enlightenment will come. But that's time wasting, an old clumsy process that even those who practice for life, don't get a firm grip on bringing it to the tactile reality of work, relationship and social life. They're still achieving their moments in isolation, sitting on cushions or hard floors.

To fall in love over and over, one can learn the path of transforming every single moment of choice into a moment of authentic and unconditional love. This is the result of separating ego from our true nature, our inner self, but be warned, there are many who will project a picture, a stereotype onto your true nature and call it real. They are just false prophets selling Ego in the form of Authenticity.

To find Your True Nature Let Nature be Your Guide.

Chris Walker is a visionary business consultant and of the world's leading facilitators of Personal/Professional Development. Author, consultant and professional speaker, his considered a leader in the field of human potential and lifestyles for success. His VIP and Mastery Programs have been attended by thousands of individuals around the world seeking tools to live life and manage their careers to their fullest potential.